There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
