The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Acid is not a monday night drug
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
