I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
