I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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