the new term for farting is butt boxing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
