just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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