What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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