I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
