I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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