YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
