When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Randomize
