i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
