I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
