He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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