somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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