i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
