I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
