I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
