as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
