that's an acceptable place to lick
im six kinds of drunk right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
