I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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