I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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