dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
