He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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