Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
