I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Life is so much better after having sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
