I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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