If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i have two assholes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
