eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
