Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
jump out the window naked night went bad
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