What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
