these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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