before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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