By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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