this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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