Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
