so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize