K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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