That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
