and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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