Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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