Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
