you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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