And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
