He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize