i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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