I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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