We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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