I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
