I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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