Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize