I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
