all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
