I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
its liver damage thursday
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
