he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is the high leading the old right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize