I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
