I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
