The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
