so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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