I am spending my child support on dildos
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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