Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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