My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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