We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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