The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
