after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
