It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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