Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
