3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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