We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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