so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
