On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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