Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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