Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
