Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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