guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
foreskin is a definite game changer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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