bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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