My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
