We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
