I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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