True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
