Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
