Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
