I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
