I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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