Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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