I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
