he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
