Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
