I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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