Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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