went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
