yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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