I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
