In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
