You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
