What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
