Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
