Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
