break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize