just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
