he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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