My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
