dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
