your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize