Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
