There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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